We Have To Throw Her A Shower?

Doug and I got married just over 10 months ago. Last March I went back to New Jersey for a week to do some wedding plan finalizing - I had a dress fitting, we stuffed and sent invitations and then literally waited at the mailbox to see who would RSVP first (it was my Aunt Carol and Uncle Peter - way to go, guys!) and other fun things like that.

I left for New Jersey on a Friday morning, scheduled to arrive in Philadelphia around 5pm, meaning we would make it back to Hubcap's house by 7pm. That was the plan. And the plan was important because, as it turns out, Hubcap and my bridesmaids had planned a bachlorette party for me for that night. The guests were set to arrive at 6:30pm so they could surprise me when I got home. And the next afternoon was my bridal shower - also a surprise.

I had a layover in Dallas. When I arrived, they told me that my connecting flight had been canceled due to inclement weather on the east coast. In fact, all flights to Philadelphia had been canceled until the next day.

I called Hubcap to tell her the news. She told me to find a flight to anywhere on the east coast and she'd come and get me. There was panic in her voice. She had to spoil the surprise and tell me that she had a houseful of beer and food and the guests were on their way. I had to find a way to get to New Jersey that night.

I asked the airport people if there were any available flights to nearby airports. Newark? JFK? LaGuardia? "The northeast is closed. They're having bad weather."

"OK, well where is the closest airport to Philadelphia that is still accepting incoming flights?" In response to this question, I got a blank stare. It didn't seem like a difficult question. "OTHER AIRPORTS. WHERE IS THE NEXT CLOSEST AIRPORT TO PHILADELPHIA THAT IS STILL OPEN?"

More blank stares. So I started listing airports: Dulles, Regan, Baltimore...

"You want to go to Baltimore?" The woman asked me. "I want to go to whatever airport is closest to Philadelphia and is still open." "Baltimore is open. Do you want to go to Baltimore?"

"Hi, I'm Earth. Have we met?"

Next I had to sprint around Dallas airport, trying to find a flight going to Baltimore that still had open seats. The airport staff was unable to tell me in advance whether or not there were open seats on any of the flights bound for Baltimore; they were only able to tell me which gates had planes that were going to Baltimore and then I had to sprint there and inquire myself.

So I got on a plane, headed for Baltimore as the storm headed south down the eastern seaboard.

As luck would have it, if in this story there is a bit of luck, two of my girlfriends from college were heading up to New Jersey from Richmond to partake in the festivities. Hubcap contacted them and asked if they would be so kind as to stop off in Baltimore, pick me up at the airport and give me a ride to my own party.

I arrived in Baltimore on time and then proceeded to stand in line for an hour to fill out a form, requesting that my luggage, should it ever appear anywhere on earth, be returned to me.

By this time, the storm had passed through New York and New Jersey and had descended upon - you guessed it - Maryland. Where Baltimore is located. What is normally a 2 hour drive from Maryland to New Jersey took us 6 hours. We drove 35mph on I-95 the entire way.

We arrived at Hubcap's house somewhere around midnight. Because I have the best friends in the world, they had arrived for the party at 6:30pm and were still there, drinking the beers and celebrating my bachlorette party, just waiting for me to get there.

And I did get there. And they gave me a beer. They showed me how they had decorated Hubcap's mantle with thong underwear and lingerie. They showed me the cake that was shaped like a bustier that they hadn't eaten because they wanted me to see it. They showed me the picture of how, in desperate boredom, they had all put on a pair of thong underpants, over their jeans.
We all had a piece of cake shaped like a breast and then decided that we'd head out to the bars.

They had rented a van to drive us around but had canceled it when they realized that I wasn't making the party in any kind of timely fashion. So 8 of us piled into Hubcap's Hybrid Ford Escape and she drove us to the local bar at 1am.

Bars in New Jersey close at 2am. Last call is at 1:30am.

We get to the door and I realize I've forgotten my ID. Hubcap hops out of the car and explains to the bouncer that she is my mother and she is here to tell him for a fact that I am over 21 years of age and that HE BETTER NOT MAKE HER DRIVE BACK HOME IN THE SNOW TO GET THE ID.

Oh, and I should also point out that I was wearing the clothes I had traveled in all day as well as a veil and tiara and a silver rhinestone bra over top of my shirt.

So the bouncer let us in.

If you're wondering how much 8 girls can drink in 30 minutes before they turn the lights on and kick you out of the bar, the answer is a lot.

Hubcap retrieved us from the bar at 2am and we went home and held a dance party in the living room until 4am. I don't remember all the details but I do know that when it came time to go to bed, Phyllis, my maid of honor, told me that all the beds had already been taken and I would have to sleep on the couch.

So I passed out face first on the couch, no questions asked.

Hubcap came downstairs in the morning to find me face planted on the couch, my cousin, Alana, asleep on the chair-and-a-half and Phyllis, using her jacket as a blanket, asleep on 2 dog beds that she had pushed together.

What was funny to Hubcap was that there was an empty full size bed upstairs. Drunk Phyllis had neglected to see that.

Everyone was up and out of the house by 8am. Apparently my bridal shower was scheduled for noon. THAT DAY.

I was feeling what you might call, hung over. I had to shower and prepare for a party where there would be non-hung over people. All of them there to see me. I had nothing to wear. I had to borrow a dress and sweater from Phyllis, shoes, underwear and makeup from Hubcap. The lines embedded on my cheek from sleeping face down on the couch were a nice added touch. And when I got there, everyone lied and told me I looked great!

The shower was beautiful. There were so many people there - all for me! Everyone got a chance to tell a story about how they know me - that was definitely my favorite part.

Obviously it didn't turn out ideally; the canceled flight, the snow storm, the late arrival and the lack of clothing. But really that all just made it so much more special. I wish I had been able to go out for my bachlorette party for more than 30 minutes and that I had my own clothes to wear to my bridal shower but I didn't - and it was awesome!